Ceteris paribus.. hoshi tai ne...

Was just sorting out some stuff when I stumbled upon a list in my organiser. A list of things to be done which wasn't. Of course, the list included inane stuff like eating Kenny's, buy eraser (coz I lent an eraser to a pupil and she lost it..dam) and so on..

It was a long list.. like 20 items. They help me to focus on what things I have to complete. A huge flaw was that I do not state exactly by when I should complete each task. Going by gut, intuition, I just knew I'll finish them soon..somehow.

So now as I looked at the list, it dawned on me that it's only true if everything else is ceteris paribus.

(Ceteris paribus is a Latin phrase, literally translated as "with other things [being] the same," and usually rendered in English as "all other things being equal." A prediction, or a statement about causal or logical connections between two states of affairs, is qualified by ceteris paribus in order to acknowledge, and to rule out, the possibility of other factors which could override the relationship between the antecedent and the consequent.)

Yup.. reminds me of my economics essay.

So when things aren't ceteris paribus, when change sets in, what I had wanted to do, activities I've planned for, perfect plans that I've drawn up, where should they go?

Some of which I wished I could place them somewhere, or improvise to make them applicable to current situations.... or..

Nope. It's not possible. Or am I not trying hard enough..

~ am tired already and now dying under piles of survey forms waiting for collation~

For the 1st time..

so not used to spending this day alone. urghz.

thanks to all my tomodachis for your encouragement. I struggled to decide whether I should blog about it actually. I prefer to remain low profile about such stuff.

But I decided that I want to keep a diary of both happy and unhappy events that had taken place in my life.

In case if I suffer from dementia when I'm old, this would be a back-up copy of my memory. cool huh..the wonders of technology.

I thought it would be a perfect way to update you guys also since breaking the news face to face definitely isn't my forte. heh.

Enjoy this day everyone... !

Pieces of me and you

For at least half a year, it had been an indispensable accessory. It's so close to me like part of my skin and now, to instruct me that it's no longer possible for me to wear it is just too painful.

For the past two days, I've not been my usual self. sorry sharon san, that I'm not in the mood to talk to you and I guess my parents were the most affected. It really touched me when my dad came over to me and told me this cheem theory of : To be loved is more blessed than to love someone 被爱是幸福的, in the most fatherly way I've ever seen spoken before. I thought I believed in it but I'm now I'm thinking twice. It was meant to console but results weren't too good as I started crying again. oh..He bought me my favourite durian puffs too. Thanks dad.

My mum, hyper tensed up, was more tensed up than me. She would be awaken everytime I go toilet in the middle of the night. Don't worry mum. I won't commit suicide. I'm stronger than that. Life is precious and I've got the future generation to mould. She taught me that using ice to soothe swollen eyes would not work, instead I should dap my eye lids with a hot towel. It worked. Thanks mum.

I decided not to make them worry anymore and wallowing isn't enjoyable..though sharon san thinks it's a neccessary phase to go through before I gain enlightenment again.

I learnt something about myself. I'm not smart but actually a pretty stupid onna no hito when it comes to handling relationships. I talk alot, but am always at a loss for words when I face my loved ones. I can be very sarcastic and skeptical but I lose all of that when listening to reasons my loved ones give for doing what they did.

I'm judgemental and I always believed in my judgement of people (sharon san can attest to that)...so much so that I'm so blinded by my own faith that I can disregard others' point of view.

I held onto the faith that my love one is what I perceive him to be regardless. So I probe and ask for the reasons why, to make sure that my faith in him still stands.

Garnering the little strength I've left, I go to work. It's not too bad if I can just bury myself in my own little cubicle with only the computer. But my work requires me to interact with little devils. It doesn't help at all, does it.

The only way to coax myself to sleep is to chant repeatedly: It's all for the better. It will be. Even then, I don't get much sleep.

I've been busy and it's good. It takes my mind off things. for a while.

What am I writing?!~ all in drips and draps. urghz.

help..Too much memories and thoughts to pen down each and every one, don't know where to start and reluctant to let it end.

~sharing my suffocation with you~

T_T

~Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars ~

We'll do it all Everything On our own
We don't need Anything Or anyone

If I lay here If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
To show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
To show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes,
They're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I can't monopolize.

Monopoly is not my cup of tea.

super 邪.

If you're familiar with the game, you will have to pass "Go" to collect $200 after every round, some sort like to top up your finances. but just before "Go", there's a square for "super tax -pay $100" and right after it, there's one that says "Income Tax-Pay $200".

I think we played about 30 rounds and I only managed to collect only $200 from all the rounds! I super stepped on the tax squares like nobody did ever before. 29 rounds I stepped on the tax squares! I couldn't believe my luck! 1st few times i thought maybe i was just unlucky.. when it persisted, I started thinking if there was a fourth person in the room helping me to roll my dice and wanted me to die.

oh. on top of that, i went to jail like 3 times. It was an eventful game for me. Any obstacles you name it, I experienced it. I was perpetually in debt coz i couldnt' pay when I stepped onto zhe's and sharon's houses and even had to mortgaged my bloody worthless Pentonville house to get money to settle my debts. I went to jail so many times that I had to bargain with sharon san to sell me her "Get out of jail free" card so I would not miss a turn. But alas, I had no money to even buy the bloody card from her. Not to mention that the price she quoted was way exorbitant and I'll rather go to jail than to buy it from her.

While serving my term in jail, I wasn't updated with the latest happenings in town and when I was released, I was shocked that most of the houses were bought by my 2 tomodachis and the road to "Go" seemed arduous and never ending as I pay all my way to advance to the next round. As if it wasn't bad enough, I could just predict in the ancient way by counting my fingers that I'll have to pay the tax later on. ..which.. I did. graciously.

The remaining rounds of the game was gloomy and boring as my financial status neared bankruptcy.

My total earnings after the game was $18.. compared to $500 and like $300.

It wasn't fun at all. I don't think I'll play it again.

all about beans..

The Mid-Autumn Festival's here! dunno why, but not much cravings for mooncakes this year. Used to quite enjoy all the dou sha and lotus paste ones... basically i'm quite a red bean person. those breakfast mee jian kuay (red bean pancakes), red bean on beancurd, or just simply red bean lotus seed paste dessert.. oh ya! red bean on green tea ice cream and red bean paste mochi... i can go on and on la. love beans. oh..and i love Mr Bean too!

been having soya bean milk and cheese pancake from Mr Bean.. yummy. almost everyday. got this beanified sense of satisfaction after eating it.

besides beaning, i've been pea-ing as well. in love with this sizzling hot snack by Calbee, Snow Pea Crisps.. taste heavenly coz the peas are baked in the form of the orginal pod it came in..cool huh! and it melts nicely in your mouth. I've just bought a pack, it won't see daylight tomorrow! heh.. go grab one everyone! and no! i don't get any form of royalty promoting this here.

care and share is my motto!

Bad Day

it's been so hazy recently!another forest fire? sorry..me not updated with the news...as usual. heh.

thought i'll have to make use of weekday movie ticket pricing to watch a movie since monday was childrens' day holiday for me. chose "The Night Listener" over "Rob-B-Hood" coz we thought it'll be more cheem and more thought provoking. it was more thought provoking indeed. coz we kept thinking through out the whole movie when it was going to end. robin williams is supposed to be a gay in the show.. not convincing right. eeeeks. anyway, weird show. not as good as i thought. i thought it would be "the 6th sense" type of movie.. and it ended up not in the least horrific. so sad. i want more of "shutter" type of good horror flicks!

anyways, wasn't in a good mood yesterday so you can say that i've spoilt my 1 day of holiday. sighz. all spoilt by me, myself and i. can't believe it. so stupid. think PMS la. coz my auntie came and attended my lesson today also. urghz. lucky. nothing embarrassing happened as i discovered in time. heh. ya. experience matters lor.

got a remedial lesson like...now. ciao.

i like bitchy high school flicks

watched "John Tucker Must Die" just yesterday. Like how I liked all teen high school flicks, I totally enjoyed this one as well! quite bitchy and funny and got cute guys to oogle at.. oh..ok..only 1 cute guy to oogle at la. highly recommended by 周老师!

oh my god..talking about 周老师. I went to my grandma's place for dinner today and the first thing her maid shouted out when she saw me was 周老师.. i quickly corrected her and asked her to call me by my usual name coz I get kinda castrophobic when I hear these 3 beautiful chinese words, like i'm thrown back into the tiny classroom setting with 30 kids raising their hands chanting my name. and worst of it all is that i've got nowhere to run.. wouldn't it be just fantastic if teachers could play truant too...

yup.. i think i've mastered this tactic of watching ANY HK drama showing on tv..even though the show has got all the actors i dun like and i can still plonk there and watch it for like a good 4 hours. and i actually enjoy the shows..cool huh!

going to be a fattening day tomorrow. planned to go california pizza kitchen and ben n jerrys w naz... woohoo. *guilt* I think if I wish for any dreams tonight, i hope i'll dream of myself jogging!

uncover the truth

A crazy mad rush in celebration for childrens' day.

To my surprise, all the teachers propose to teach instead of totally cancelling all lessons. They would rather teach than spend 2 solid hours playing games with kids in the classroom. We shudder at the thought of 2 hours of continuous noise.

haha.. yes.. so you know how we teachers truly feel.

hope i can make use of this long weekend to sleep, sleep, sleep. been a long and tiring week.

to ease everyone's query about my feelings about teaching so far. hmm. I think my mental health is still good as of now and I really enjoy the super not-deskbound aspect of the job. I get to walk around quite a bit (actually quite a lot) so my favourite food now is carbs now..all forms..potatoes, fries, rice,noodles. somehow the food seem to disappear at an amazing speed and i end up eating loads nowadays. so friends, don't be too shocked at my food intake k. eat with me!

能吃是福唷！
direct translation for non-chinese readers (actually only 1 la):to be able to eat is a fortune!

the story of 白眉 ..revived

ya.. i love this pose of baimei! baimei means white eyebrows in english.. how apt rite! keke

the way he sits exudes this indescribable sense of charm, confidence and authority which makes us want to bow and call out to him 师父!请收我为徒！

his long white beard and brows signifies wisdom and years of worldly experience in the pugilistic world. the photographic angle of this pose compliments his x-factor as it's taken from a lower angle up focusing his face, as if we are looking up to him in awe and respect for this informidable legendary character.

i aim to be like him, where i'll command such authority, fear, respect and charisma from my students.

白眉万岁！

a whole new meaning to “compromise”

~pics taken at school's 10th anniversary carnival~

如果能把各种不同的学生写成一本书，肯定会有不计其数的sequel。可是应该不会很畅销吧。。嗯。

以前以为只有好的或坏的学生。简单、单纯。现在加了一个古怪的category。

懊恼归懊恼，若能看穿他们心里古灵精怪的想法，我觉得会挺好玩的。嘿。

因为最近接手全全负责教小一班，让我发现魔鬼的化身。这位小一的学生平时在另外一位老师的课时还算蛮听话的，也算是比较聪明的一个。这是我在旁观课时的观察。每当轮到我教，她180度变成了小流氓大姐大，衣冠不整，不听我的指示，不停地干扰其他同学。我说走左，她偏走右，气得我根本不想理睬她。刚开始我会不停地留意她的举动，然后时不时训她。最后，我根本不管她，因为我猜想她是想引起我的注意罢了。所谓的“attention seeker” 咯。

忍无可忍，我拉她到班外问她为什么特别在我的班那么捣蛋。顺便告诉她如果是想引起我的注意，那会是大错特错。我不但不会理睬她，更加不会点她出来回答任何问题，也不会得到我的青睐。sorry。

我只会叫和喜欢听话的乖孩子。嗯。。是的，很罗唆hor，但对7岁的baby就是这样的。当然，“逼” 她道歉后，看他还蛮后悔的表情，就暂时放过她。

过后，好像说中她的心事，她态度真的改善了很多。我也遵守了我答应她的：如果她乖，我一定会常教她回答问题 (是的。。小一超爱回答问题。。) 。

现在师生关系讲的是compromise。

突然我想起了陶子的~太委屈。。

it's cold cold outside..

~another dino ball i got recently... 3 winter froggies which can fit into each other to become the big froggie.. errr.. u know what i mean la...haha.. cute huh.~

weekend just flew past again.. what's new leh? nothing much besides school and the usual stuff. oh! and i went to cut my hair.. that stupid woman super layered my hair..so now it's kinda qiao4.. urghz. i try to tell myself it's more stylo. the out of bed look ma! ...literally... (-_-ll)

it's been raining for the past few days and if i'm the president, i'll make use of weather forecast and declare all rainy days public holidays! the weather is really not conducive for anything strenous or work related. haiz. but reality is always cruel.

Officially Jay!

~*Wallpapers for your desktop! part of the 10 rules!*~

I declare September 2006 as the Jay Chou Month! Jay san no gatsu!

10 rules to follow during this period:

1) Any audio devices (mp3, discman, mobile, pda, notebook…..) you carry with you should have Jay Chou’s songs inside, particularly songs from his new album “Still Fantasy” coz..the album is new! Duh.

2) When you go ktv, Jay Chou’s songs must be the bulk of your playlist.

3) Just for the month of September (don’t try too long as your life would be at stake), try as much to irritate any friends who doesn’t like Jay by humming 千里之外 everytime you see them. To increase the irritation, can try to imitate the Fei Yu Qing’s way of singing.

4) For guys (hmm..not sure whether any guys read my blog. If not, galfrens, do remind your guys), please learn up the ballads from the new album namely 退后，心雨，白色风车.

5) For my teacher friends, learn up 听妈妈的话 and play the song to your kids. Explain the lyrics to them word for word in as many languages as you can. Nowadays, kids don’t really understand English or Chinese.

6) For a relaxing gathering, can consider going to a fren’s place, play Jay’s CD, chit chat… sheer indulgence desu ne! (that’s what I did with babu, maria and ahmad!)

7) Play the CD over and over again when you are bored.. or when you’re not bored.

8) If you have been having nightmares recently, listen to a few tracks of Jay just before you sleep. Assure you only sweet dreams ahead! I’ve tried it! It works! No more dam-to-search-for-eternity nightmares.

9) While chilling out with your friend with nothing much planned, let your friend listen to the songs. Trust me, it passes time fast and is the best time to convert your friend to a Jay-natic. Sharon san as proof of successful conversion! At least she can sing the 1st line of the chorus of 千里之外 now. ^_^

10) When you’re free and looking for a place to shop, Far East Plaza is the best place to go. Not only you can shop, you’ll be drowned in Jay’s songs! And..that’s good!! Ii ne! Shopping can never get more enjoyable lo.

can't figure it out..

A pang of nervousness hit me suddenly as I was just enjoying my lazy Sunday.

I’ve completed my lesson plans and stuff but still feeling uneasy on carrying it out. So many things to think about and I’ll have to act on my feet there and then if my “creative” ideas don’t work out. Come to think of it. I’ll rather be teaching in University or JC where the lecturer prepares his power point slides in advance and just read it out to the class. no games no gimmicks.

I feel abit sick and took a short nap. Worse.. I woke up seeing that it was 5pm which means Monday is coming even earlier..

I don’t know if it’s the caffeine in the tea I consumed in the morning which makes me feel so hyper restless and making my brain activities overly active, as I can’t stop thinking about school.

Sighz. Or it could just simply be the withdrawal symptoms due to the extreme fear of the ending of a holiday.

Why I want to t0k ab0ut Ne0 prInts....

I don’t understand. Neo print machines have been around for a number of years already.. but why aren’t the service in neoprint shops improving huh. Besides being doubly efficient in changing your notes to $1 coins and providing scissors for you to cut your neo prints, there is nothing more.

Wanted to take a neo print card and ended taking stickers instead. Okie. So my japanese language isn’t quite there yet.. I think it would be very helpful for them to translate the instructions into English. Especially when the machines start to get more complex with all the additional features, translation is a must!!

Part 1 of our pic: the pic on the left was done by watashi! hah..turned out quite jap looking huh.. the one on the right not my work ah..ahem.heh

It was quite a $9 hysterical experience yesterday. With 2 cameras facing us, we were suppose to choose which way we wanted the camera to angle in as we could change the colors of the backgrounds (by shifting the colored boards behind us). And the only translation is 21 shots at a go.. excuse me, who the hell can pose 21 times…..properly. ?! they’re out to cheat our money la.

We settled that and realised that coz we were too slow, the machine could only take like 8 shots. Then, we were supposed to choose 6 shots out of those 8 shots. And coz we’re too slow again busy figuring out how to do that, we only managed to choose 4 shots.

We pressed “ok”! (that was like the only legible language on the mess of nihon go..(-_-;)

Then, silence… it was supposed to be printing.. but we couldn’t find the bloody slots. Huh.. how can?! We haven’t even decorated our pics! Cheater bug.

Both me and naz ran frantically around the machine looking for traces of our pics.. nan demo nai.

I heard a shriek from naz, “here here ! come quick!..... QUICK!!!”

“QUICK!! DECORATE!! NO TIME ALREADY!”
ya..so we picked up the pens and started any owe how decorate….coz we couldn’t read the words, we couldn’t find the stuff we needed.

~check out the crooked rainbows! and the misplaced hearts and arrows!

... p.s. kindly ignore the unsightly finger over there, super dupa childish! urghz. the stars and halo quite nicely done though! heh. the double "s" ,after confirming with the creator, was supposed to signify odour from the armpits.. really can't tell.. can we??! haha

Food hunting @ World Food Fair 2006

Visited the food fair at Expo yesterday and it was better than I thought. Maybe coz I went in the day so it wasn’t as crowded as expected and that gave us the fantastic chance to up our calorie and fat intake. Heh. Especially naz.. he really ate non-stop… non-stop. My god.. I got a 大胃王as a bf! If we really poor, can ask him go for those “how many burgers can you swallow??” kind of competitions. Can win quite a bit of okane ne. Hah.

Well.. here are some of the pics I randomly took while he was busy… eating.heh.


this snack is super oishii and is healthy compared with other chips!


the bags of tabemono we bought!

oh ya..apparently bak kwa is cheap according to what i heard from the aunties...they all swarmed the bak kwa stalls.. so.. if you like bak kwa, err.. can check it out.

adOpted babies after my dIm sum...

urgh..this is a super belated post la.. happened on 2nd of september, a 凉风习习星期六早上(haha..a result of overdose of primary chinese compo..my god. they can even write 谅 and 习 wrongly..might as well dun use lor..-_-ll ). met naz and his family for dim sum at the Singapore Recreation Club, located just beside Padang.

Dim sum was good! i liked it...but buffet for dim sum is really not so worth it. coz can't eat much as we feel gerlark very soon with all the deep fried stuff.. but before the marginal utilities went downhill, we really enjoyed the tabemono. yummy!

After lunch, we went だいそ(Daiso!..** an urgent need to practise my jap**) coz I felt like getting some cheap $2 stuff from there..yup. FYI, if you all dun already know this place. heh. it's located at IMM and they sell all sorts of knick knacks at $2 nett. they sell....every thing..... really. I remembered i bought a nice little box from there like 4 years ago so suddenly felt like revisiting the store. Started a massive outburst of my shopoholic instinct and threw a few things into the shopping basket almost immediately. it's all $2! so cheap! buy la..just in case i need to use ma. just like the stall holders shouting 199 baht.... 199 baht.. in BKK.

well, i ended up spending only $4 = i bought only 2 items...sighz.. coz naz put back everything i threw into the basket, lecturing me on how i shouldn't be buying so many of just-in-case items. think got $20 worth of my items was placed back onto the lonely shelves of daiso.


<<----- check this out!! the front, back, side views of my newly adopted baby dino

got this dino for 1 buck by the dino egg machine (i call it the"dino egg machine".. dunno what's the real name for the machine..those you slot coins and turn the knob and an egg pops out) ..it was so cute so we decided to try our luck at getting it. the yellow head can be turned to get 2 different facial expressions of the dino! cool huh..hehe..



next up. my newly adopted mouse.... seated on a fiery red mushroom!

ha.. i was checking the various characters on the face of the machine and set my eyes on this mouse.. i dunno what it's called (i'm a cartoon idiot.. )..think it's a character from My Melody.. but i only know it's kawaii.. so naz tried his luck and we actually got it on the 1st try! yayz..... this tiny weeny useless mouse cost 2 bucks! haha... whatever. who cares.. it lights up when you press the red button on the stalk of the mushroom...! cool ですね! (^_^)v

left with no choice to plan my holidays

It’s the Sep Hols! Don’t feel as excited as I was thinking about it 2 weeks ago. it’s the stupid lesson planning getting me abit fidgety and panicky. Urghz. Really reminds me of my Food and Nutrition time when I gotta do cooking plan. Like 2 min to whisk the eggs, 10 min to preheat the oven, 5 min to knead the dough.

Just that the context is different now. 10 min of revision,15 min to interest the pupils, 30 min of actual teaching… blah. And in a total different language as well.. Chinese ! woah. !

Sighz. Thinking of “how to do it” really drains out my poor brain cells which are recently already extraordinarily slow in procreation.

Looking at the week ahead.. 2 days of courses and 1 day of supplementary classes for the P6s.. remaining days will be all dedicated to planning lessons I guess.

esther san, I’m afraid I can’t go back to help you sort ur accounts this hols! Maybe dec! I’m drooling already thinking of the number 12.

I need the power.. I want a Spicy Italian sub!!!

it seemed too real....

Today, I'm going to talk about dreaming..dreams.

I really hate dreaming. They disrupt my sleep and I end up feeling tired and restless for the whole of the next day. It definitely doesn’t help that I gotta wake up at 6.30am every day.

I had a dream again yesterday.

I was supposed to be going genting highlands…alone. Uh..yes. Taking the 3.30pm (note the numbers) bus from golden mile (who says dreams are detached from the real world huh?). I hailed a cab and realized I did not bring my bag of clothes. So I asked the cabby to wait at my void deck while I go get my stuff. While searching for it, I realized I forgot to bring a whole lot of things like passport, shoes, jacket etc.. now the problem was I could not find all of them. My house was turned upside down,inside out..messy to the max.

So I kept searching…rummaging..searching…rummaging…. for maybe a few hours?

It’s like I was damned to search for eternity.

I woke up, totally drained from all the searching (but of coz!)..really. I feel so bloody tired now.

Yeah.. now I’m trying to make out 4 lucky digits from this whole crappy dream which could possibly change my life forever… come on, think think think!

这才是真正的爱唷。

今天，我见证了母爱的伟大。

代了3节小一的课。。原来“鼎鼎大名” 的walter 就读于这一班。
有名不是因为他坏，是因为他有自闭症。最引人瞩目的不是他，而是他的贴身保姆-他的妈妈。。在挤满小孩的学校，有一位带着显眼粉红色的visitor pass，默默的坐在一旁的女士，一起参与升旗礼。

今天，在课室里，她有如个大学生，坐在教室的后头，拿着笔记本，在我讲课时，埋头抄笔记。在抄的当儿不忘凝视着小walter。一有状况，她便立刻上前安抚他。

坦白说，会蛮有压力的。毕竟有父母在场，好像under observation一样。但教着教着，压力慢慢消失了。

我错以为自闭的孩子完全封闭自己，不讲话，不理会周遭的一切。其实只对了一半。。他们会说话，可是说的好像跟你问的一点关系都没有。就像活在自己的世界里。因为世界对他们来说是隐形的，所以他会随意在课堂上走动，想说什么就说什么，望着你的眼神是空的。

要同学画图，walter便闹情绪。他不想自己的世界被干扰，所以就发脾气。妈妈就坐在她旁边，耐心的推他的手，叫他画画。他就画了一笔，便停下来了，嚷着不想画。她又耐心的在把笔硬塞进他的手心，叫他继续画。时不时看见他的妈妈生气又无奈的看着他，walter 也似乎知道妈妈生气了，红着眼眶，安静的看着妈妈。

1个钟头就这样过去了。铃声响了，我看见walter 上前把完成的画教给我。皱皱的纸，凌乱的颜色和线条，但总算看得出动物的模样，也算是有努力吧。

回到家，她会变身成补习老师，用笔记帮walter复习。

天生感性的我在想，妈妈能陪walter 到几时呢。。这个答案，我想他的妈妈也不晓得。但我相信应该会到永远吧。