Pieces of me and you

For at least half a year, it had been an indispensable accessory. It's so close to me like part of my skin and now, to instruct me that it's no longer possible for me to wear it is just too painful.

For the past two days, I've not been my usual self. sorry sharon san, that I'm not in the mood to talk to you and I guess my parents were the most affected. It really touched me when my dad came over to me and told me this cheem theory of : To be loved is more blessed than to love someone 被爱是幸福的, in the most fatherly way I've ever seen spoken before. I thought I believed in it but I'm now I'm thinking twice. It was meant to console but results weren't too good as I started crying again. oh..He bought me my favourite durian puffs too. Thanks dad.

My mum, hyper tensed up, was more tensed up than me. She would be awaken everytime I go toilet in the middle of the night. Don't worry mum. I won't commit suicide. I'm stronger than that. Life is precious and I've got the future generation to mould. She taught me that using ice to soothe swollen eyes would not work, instead I should dap my eye lids with a hot towel. It worked. Thanks mum.

I decided not to make them worry anymore and wallowing isn't enjoyable..though sharon san thinks it's a neccessary phase to go through before I gain enlightenment again.

I learnt something about myself. I'm not smart but actually a pretty stupid onna no hito when it comes to handling relationships. I talk alot, but am always at a loss for words when I face my loved ones. I can be very sarcastic and skeptical but I lose all of that when listening to reasons my loved ones give for doing what they did.

I'm judgemental and I always believed in my judgement of people (sharon san can attest to that)...so much so that I'm so blinded by my own faith that I can disregard others' point of view.

I held onto the faith that my love one is what I perceive him to be regardless. So I probe and ask for the reasons why, to make sure that my faith in him still stands.

Garnering the little strength I've left, I go to work. It's not too bad if I can just bury myself in my own little cubicle with only the computer. But my work requires me to interact with little devils. It doesn't help at all, does it.

The only way to coax myself to sleep is to chant repeatedly: It's all for the better. It will be. Even then, I don't get much sleep.

I've been busy and it's good. It takes my mind off things. for a while.

What am I writing?!~ all in drips and draps. urghz.

help..Too much memories and thoughts to pen down each and every one, don't know where to start and reluctant to let it end.

~sharing my suffocation with you~